The Year In Review

I had hoped to post something inspirational today in regard to the coming year, but to be honest… I’m just not “feelin’ it.” I’ve been thinking about the past year, and I’ve decided to just post a short review of stats, events, etc.

1. Weight Jan. 1, 2007: 308 lbs. (I’d lost 62 pounds in the past 9 months.)
2. Beginning of Feb. 2007: sold our house, moved 600 miles from “home” and started a business
3. Middle of Feb. 2007: fell back into a pattern of emotional eating and began to gain weight
4. June 2007: went on vacation and was miserable the entire time because I had gained at least 50 pounds since the middle of February
5. Middle of August 2007: started weight loss blog
6. September 2007: had attained an almost 30 lb. weight loss
7. October 2007: house guests from H-E-double-hockey-sticks arrived and I fell totally off the wagon
8. November 2007: wedding stress, stress in general, and homesickness got the best of me, and I continued my downward spiral of emotional eating and gained lots of weight
9. December 2007: pretty much gave up and gained even more weight
10. December 31, 2007: weighed-in at an all-time high of 376 .6 pounds

So… there it is… the year in review. 2007 pretty much sucked. Instead of ending the year with a wonderful weight loss to report, I’m ending the year weighing 68.6 pounds more than I did when it began, and wearing size 30/32 clothing.

I’ve been fat my entire life, but I’ve never been this fat. I HATE being this fat. I hate that I have allowed eating to control me and shape my life (and body) instead of allowing ME to control my eating and shape my life. I am absolutely miserable at this weight… both physically and emotionally.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I am absolutely disgusted with the reflection that I see. My stomach is jutting out further than ever, and hanging lower than ever. My butt needs its own zip code at this point. It’s hard to paint my toenails because my legs are so fat that they don’t want to bend as much as they should! I have no energy. I get winded doing the simplest things now, it seems. My daily wardrobe consists of black sweat pants and black size 4x men’s t-shirts! I’m sure my husband is sick of seeing me dressed like this all the time. I know I’m sick of it! I want to wear pretty, sexy, feminine clothing! I want to wear dresses and look pretty. I want to wear pretty shoes. I want to not only LOOK pretty… I want to FEEL pretty!

The only place I go is grocery shopping, and that’s only out of necessity. I hate going out in public. I don’t want anyone to see me when I’m this heavy. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I’m tired of missing out on life. I’m tired of not being able to enjoy myself and go places with my husband because I’m so fat.

I don’t want to live the rest of my life in this fat prison. I need to make changes. And I need to make them now. I cannot make the same mistakes in 2008 that I made in 2007. I have got to change my life one pound at a time.

Only I can change my behavior. Nobody else can do it for me. Nobody else can make me eat properly or exercise. Nobody else can change the behaviors, such as emotional eating, that have contributed to my obesity. Only I can make the changes that will change my life for the better. Only I can make the changes that will set me free from this prison of fat.

I’m going to do it. God help me… I’m going to change. I’m going to do the things I need to do to lose weight and be healthy. And I’m going to stop the behavior that has sabotaged my efforts so many times before. This time is going to be different. This time I am going to succeed. This time I am going to persevere.

And on December 31, 2008, I will post another “year in review.” And I will be reporting a substantial weight loss. I will be reporting major NSV’s. I will be reporting a weight that is not in the 300’s. This is the last year that I will EVER weigh over 300 pounds!

My wish for 2008 is that we all make the choices that will lead to weight loss, health, and happiness. Let’s do it. I know that we can.

Tag: diet reviews