I Spent Last Night Trying To Decide If I …

I spent last night trying to decide if I needed to join Jenny Craig or if it was all hopeless… Then I came across the fatsecrete site by accident or was it fate? I read some of journals out there and saw myself in many of them. The emotional eater, the mom that weighs more now than after I delivered my baby (6 years ago), and the eater that eats to celebrate everything. I began to feel empowered. Perhaps this will be the summer that I will not be ashamed to go to the beach or pool with her daughter in a swim suit. Maybe I will feel more confident going to job interviews if I loose a few pounds. I would also like to go up the stairs at the Children’s Museum without losing my breath. And Maybe I wont think about food all of the time. I am a former teacher. I maintained my weight for a long time fluctuating around 128 - 130. When my husband and I had trouble conceiving, I had to go on fertility meds. The medicine and stress made me a basket case and all I wanted to do was eat. Eventually we got pregnant and I was a very healthy eater. No coffee, chocolate, etc. But my pregnancy wasn’t smooth sailing. We lost two little guys early on so I spent the rest of my pregnancy afraid that we would loose my daughter. Long story short, we had a beautiful healthy premie girl. Well this is when everything slowly started getting out of control. My daughter needed to be fed every three hours for months and sleep deprivation makes you into a mad woman. I ate to feel better. I was also stressed since she was so little we barely went any where. We didn’t see many people because we were afraid of germs…my world became so little. I went from teaching full time to being a stay at home mom. Please don’t get me wrong I absolutely adore my daughter. She is a gorgeous, bright kindergardener! I just wish that I would have handled things differently as she was growing up in those earlier years. Maybe asked for help, gotten a babysitter more often, etc. And as the years passed, I swore that I would loose the weight. I wanted to be a healthy role model for my daughter. But life was messy with family issues which I internalized and the weight stayed on. But I finally came to the realization that life will always be messy. I have got to take responsibility for myself and my relationship with food. Food is my drug of choice. So if this sounds familiar I would welcome a buddy.

Tag: diet journals